Yep. That’s about it.

They tell you your hunger will return and you know it will. But, just when you THINK it’s returned and you’re handling it, it rears it’s ugly head with renewed vigor. And it sucks.

The last few weeks have been awful. A few weeks ago I was down to 203. Then I GAINED weight and was up to 206.5 .  Now, that’s still lighter than I’ve been in a LONG time and is still within the accepted range of where I’m supposed to be based on averages, so it’s all good in that way, but annoys the crap out of me. I did lose a pound again this past week so I’m at 205.5, but still.

Before the surgery, I probably ate about half my calories for the day after about 8pm at night. And I’ve found myself doing that again. I know that some of the basics of the surgery are still working as I’m still satisfied with a smaller portion, but that portion isn’t enough a little while later and I wind up eating ANOTHER small portion.

For example: last night I had a piece of cheese and a hard boiled egg. Then I had an apple. Then I had a slice of home made bread with some butter. All things that one at a time are okay (minus the bread…), but when you add them all up is TOO MUCH. There were also cookies and a spoon of peanut butter in there somewhere.

Which brings me to another issue.

My dumping syndrome is waning. It still comes, but it’s not consistent. I can eat a couple cookies and it won’t bother me. I can eat a slice of home made bread and it doesn’t bother me. But if I have a hot dog wrapped in a crescent roll, or a Lean Pocket, WHAM! I LIKE dumping syndrome, it keeps me in check. The fact that it’s not controlling those damn cookie cravings is super suckage.

So, now the positive side.

Yes, there is one Smile

A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough and bought two new pants and 2 new t-shirts. And I didn’t buy them in the plus-size section! They’re both 1X / XL. Score! I bought a couple tank tops today and same thing. There was even a dress I looked at for a while in the non-plus-size section. It probably would have fit but is one of those where you either have to be willing to show off your bra straps, wear a strapless bra (what’s the point if you’re trying to be comfortable) or go bra-less (looks down, nuh-uh, not happening). But still, the idea that I could have bought that dress and have it fit is phenomenal.

That’s what gets me through the weeks when I gain weight and the days when I feel like I’ve eaten enough to stuff a cow. The clothes. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own body. Yes, if I don’t get these food cravings in check I could be right back where I started one day, and I know that, but an old axiom in many circles still applies:

One day at a time.